As someone who has spent a chunk of their adult life traversing life-changing injuries, I quickly realized that the guise of “getting there” was, and is, bullshit. The goals that I held gently in my 20s, gave way to goals that were tenaciously tended to in my 30s, but the difference between the successes and failures were the skills I had available to wield. Contrary to the thoughts of my younger self, I did not fail because I was inept, unable, or unwilling to do what it takes. Ultimately, the difference between your goals being seen through to completion or not will come down to the skills you have in your tool belt.
When faced with initial failure, the amateur will often look at said failure as a moral indictment that they are incompetent, inept, unable. Failure in this life is a guarantee. You’re going to face the shadowy dream reaper more times than you will bask in the sun of success. So, instead of berating yourself when the inevitable signs of failures show up, I would challenge you to change your perspective. Instead of “I failed” can you ask, “where can I improve?”
I’ve mulled over how the intersection of technology and instant gratification have eroded our ability to be curious, patient, and introspective. In a day and age where things are so easy to come by, I challenge you to get curious about yourself and your goals. WHY do you want to accomplish x, y, or z? What skills are you lacking? What discipline have you let wither away? How often do you attempt x only to stall out at the first sign of difficulty? Curiosity and skill development are the bricks and cement mix that you’ll use to build your path to whatever the goal is: improving your fitness, getting the promotion at work, or being a better spouse/partner. Getting curious about your goals will allow you to see them as puzzle pieces, as opposed to the guillotine that pulls the shroud around you.
Fitness is no different. Few people understand that their journey is going to be a marathon of skill building, daily dedication, and life-long habit changes. As daunting as that may be, this is simply the daily act of skill-building gaining interest throughout the duration of our lives. And bluntly, the time is going to pass regardless so why the hell not.
Wanting to improve your fitness lots you with about 99% of the population. You’re in good company. So, stow the shame and let’s get to work. Start by addressing the small skills we have and add to our repertoire of success. Can we add a vegetable to each meal? How about adding in two twenty-minute walks a day? What if we parked a smidge farther from the office so we get in extra steps each day? Can we drink 30 oz of water BEFORE we guzzle down the life-giving essence that is coffee? Once you’ve mastered the small, but impactful, basics you can then take those skills to level two!
For each additional level we climb to, the skills we’ve learned previously will be tested and sharpened. Mastery of skills is something that requires us to be curious about ourselves and when and where we fail. For the love of all you hold dear, stop viewing failure as you not being worth it good enough or able. It is okay to riot against the self-perceived failures we slam into. The walls of our ego will keep us caged, and stagnant, from our growth objective. Whether you look at tending to your ego as pulling weeds from a garden, slaying the internal dragon who hordes your emotional growth as its own, or a wound that needs tending to it all comes down to being able to be honest with yourself, where you’re at, and where you want to go.
Whatever your goals are, they are worth it. Those goals, and the highest version of yourself, are worth fighting for. In my 20s, the goal was simply to not be frail, scared, and stuck. I needed to feel powerful, self-assured, and confident that the assaults I faced would never again be met with the lack of skill I had then. In my 30s, my journey required me to weave strength (both physical and emotional), emotional intelligence (hello, therapy), and hope for the future into the tapestry of my now. I find myself asking: “Does what I am doing now align with the highest version of myself?” Does this align with the person I want to be? Does what I am currently doing allow me to one day be the partner, and if I’m lucky enough a parent, that I would be proud to be? If not, guess what? I’m not fucking proceeding with that route! If you find yourself on a path that doesn’t align with what you want, simply get off the path. You do have the ability to change lanes.
Fitness is a skill. Building dedication is a skill. Becoming whatever, you want to be, is going to require the sacrifice of your current habits, for better ones. So, my friend, ask yourself: what habits do I currently have that help me grow? Which habits need tending to, so I stop tripping myself up? Once you’ve answered those questions, you now have a place to begin. Everyone has something they’re working on, no one has it 100% together. So, stop feigning after the Instagramable lives of people you do not know and start tending your own garden. You are fully, and robustly, capable of changing your situation. You just have to work on the problem and ask the right questions.
See you on the other side,
Your Friendly Neighborhood Soldierfit
THE BUNKER 